you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
