I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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