I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
