Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
