I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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