I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
