Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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