just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
