OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
