If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
