I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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