Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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