I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Randomize
