Yo dont text me then not text me
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Randomize
