I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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