dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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