After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
