turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
