I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
