I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
