I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
