you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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