im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
