there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Randomize
