my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
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