pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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