Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
