You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
