This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
