I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
