You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Your dad touched me again.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Of course I have a pirate flag
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
