I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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