For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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