She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
try to milk me bitch
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
