found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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