I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
