I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Drake has all the answers
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize