Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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