Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
