Pappa wants mamma naked
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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