The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
