Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Randomize
