Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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