You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
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