Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
