ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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