i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Come on in and take your pants off
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