Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
