just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
