i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
