whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
