Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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