The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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