I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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