I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize