your room smells of hookers.
And success
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
