im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
