I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
