sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
