Buhtt sex?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
