I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
