6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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