This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
