Welp...herpes.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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