You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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