so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
So apparently I’m into choking now
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
