flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize