I should be sponsored by Trojan
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
