Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize