I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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