Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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