I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
