If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
