she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
