I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
